The Cafe de la Tete

A while ago, when we got bored of the lack of a public life at the University of Rhode Island, we created (out of thin air), an experiment called the Cafe de la Tete. It was an idealistic attempt to create an atmosphere where "Poetry, Music and Conversation" could occur in one place as an organic whole. Sadly, the Cafe is no more. But at its peak, it provided an experience very foreign to our culture, the fulfilling sense of the Second Place - somewhere between work and the home... here are two pieces of writing that survived that time:

Welcome to the Cafe

(Announcements and Ground Rules)

Previously Unpublished

  1. Cafe de la Tete is a fictional courtroom drama based on actual transcripts from The People's Court, Superior Court, Divorce Court, and The Judge.

  2. The participants are not actors. They are actual key players in a hostile takeover bid for RJR Nabisco. They have agreed to drop their $10 a share tender offer and have the matter settled here... in our forum: Cafe de la Tete. Any resemblance which the character of "Rusty the Bailiff" may bear to any person or persons alive or dead is purely coincidental and should not be construed as the basis for actual litigation.

  3. Please stay off the sound towers. Like, Sha Na Na isn't going to play if you don't get off the towers, man.

  4. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cafe de la Tete has been shown to cause the following side effects in a laboratory audience: blurred vision, dry mouth, vertigo, euphoria, dysphoria, aphoria, insomnia, nausea, visions of Johanna, convulsions, depression, anxiety, fatigue, anarchy, blindness and psychotic episodes (all of which can usually be counteracted by intramuscular injection of Benzedrine.)

  5. Do not eat the brown acid. The brown acid is BAD. Do not accept payments of money or drugs from Cafe de la Tete participants - it only encourages them.

  6. Although the spears brandished by the participants ARE props, they could still put an eye out. The audience is advised to clear an area of at least one spear length (that's about 5 feet) around the stage.

  7. Cafe de la Tete and the Great Swamp Gazette Road Show are registered trademarks of the New York Board of Tourism and, as such may not be used without the written consent of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.
  8. Gnome dancing is restricted to the area behind the bar.

  9. Loud conversation, picture taking, and the use of megaphones or other sound amplification devices are all encouraged (but restricted to the area within one spear's length of the stage).

  10. Once we have entered the bonus round, all point values will be doubled. All runners-up will receive the Cafe de la Tete home game in addition to the lifetime's supply of Rice-a-Roni mandated by State and Federal laws.

  11. Just to clear up a fairly widespread misunderstanding: there is no truth to the rumor that the phrase "Cafe de la Tete" comes from a Sanskrit phrase which means "really loud drunk Jack Kerouac impersonators". It actually derives from an old Danish root word meaning "death by spear".

  12. Will the owner of the red 1990 Trans Am vanity plate "DEBI 3" - that's "D-E-B-I-3" please report to the parking lot. You car has been reduced to rubble by claw hammer-wielding Cafe de la Tete participants.